Twenty Ways To Nowhere

I wrote this for a blog I started up a few years ago, but never explored the concept further. My friend Joshua Burnett (http://bernietheflumph.com/) made some art based on the list, and I still did nothing with it.

Twenty Ways to Nowhere, or How to Enter the Null Path Dungeon

1. There is a hole at the top of the Black Mountain that can be reached by bribing the Hawkmen of Calhoun to carry you there.
2. The road through Zendahar, the City of Skulls, is known to be very treacherous, but its the most direct route to the Gate of Nothing, beyond which lies the Null Path Dungeon.
3. Fall asleep under the tree of the Lily Knights, in Old Gabhur; as long as the knights are away you will awaken within the Null Path Dungeon. If the knights find you though, they will slay you for trespassing.
4. Speak to the wizard council known as the Blind Triumvirate. They will have you complete a difficult task, after which they will teleport you inside the dungeon.
5. The bite of the negative viper is painful, but not deadly. Within 1d4 days, you will appear inside the dungeon.
6. Find the Tree of Yearning in the Forest of Errond; convince the tree it still has worth, and it will open up an entryway that leads into the dungeon.
7. The vines of Nethrang all end inside the Null Path Dungeon. If you survive the journey down before the vines kill you, that is.
8. When the moons of Ilsa and Adorra eclipse each other, a stairway of light appears in the Lake of Dwelling. This stairway leads into the dungeon.
9. Find the Endless Map, an artifact that can transport up to six people to any artificial destination. Once used, the Endless Map crumbles to dust.
10. Wait patiently, for one day a Garrabun will kidnap you and bring you to the Null Path Dungeon.
11. Give one of your eyes to the Seer of the Golden Desert; he will give you a red crystal in exchange. Its warmth and glow will lead you to the dungeon.
12. Break a deal with Senthrax, the Evil One. He will banish you to the dungeon.
13. Steal a chroma egg from the Salt Elves of Eurheim, in the Blasted Lands. Eat its yolk as the moon Ilsa rises, and you will be transported to the dungeon.
14. Bind a young Hopperling in the Azure Bluffs; in exchange for its freedom, it will whisk you away to the dungeon.
15. Trick an Interloper from the Beyond to dream you to the dungeon. Careful though, as Interlopers are hard to trick and difficult to trust.
16. Pay a negamancer to take you to the dungeon. Gold is worthless to them, though, as are most things.
17. Sell your soul to Senthrax, the Evil One, in exchange for taking you to the dungeon.
18. The Blind King, who lingers in the Valley of Nov Ral Arath, knows the way to the dungeon. But he is well guarded by Whisper Golems and Blind Demons.
19. The sewers of Zendahar, the City of Skulls, lead into the Null Path Dungeon. This may or may not be easier than following the road through Zendahar to the Gate of Nothing.
20. Ride a wild Ramshackle Crawler through the City of Windows, and eventually you may arrive inside the Null Path Dungeon.